Making babysitter plans without a baby???

Yesterday I was at a family birthday party and decided for some reason that it was time I talk to my cousin about including my child in her future babysitting plans....she runs a home daycare and seems to be quite in demand so I thought I should "try" to book her, though again even as we discussed this, I felt very uncomfortable because I'm not sure how things will work out....Anyhow I really want her to be my child's caregiver as my mom was her caregiver when she was a child...hope it all works out...what is even great is that she is open to flexible schedules in that as I sometimes work on contracts etc...so might only need her two or three times a week and she already has families and children that she has done this with....she is a great caregiver as she does all kinds of crafts with the children etc...so if it all works out my child will enjoy the company of other children etc.....My cousin was very happy and excited for me, though I don't think there was any excitement on my part....just trying to keep things on an even keel...I think the ups and downs are terrible on this journey, and I think it is healthier for me if I just try not to work myself up emotionally....though of course it is very hard not to at times!... Anyhow will end today's blog with a copy of a message on the lastest news we got from our agency director....others have posted it too, but as this is a record of my adoption journey, felt it important to add it here....


------ Forwarded Message

Date: Sat, 19 Jun 2010 19:02:50 -0400
To: "VietnamAdoptionCanada@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [VietnamAdoptionCanada] New law in Vietnam

Hello from Vietnam!

The new law was voted in at the National Assembly on Friday. It will enter into force in January, 2011. At this moment, we don't know the details of the law nor the changes from the present system, but I will let you know as the details become available. During the next months the government will be working on the decrees and circulars which will inform the agencies, orphanages, and governmental authorities how the law is to be implemented. There will perhaps be a "slowdown" in January (Mr. Binh, the Director of the Department of Adoption, has asked us all to be patient), but the adoptions will continue (no
temporary suspension while the law is put into effect)

More to follow...

Dorinda

Vung Tau #3 Caregivers

While I have not received any news, I did want to make a link from my blog to Catherine's in relation to this wonderful post she made about the women who cared for her daughter Molly at Vung Tau #3. All of Catherine's posts from Vung Tau and her travels in Vietnam have been so special to help open a window to the country where, I hope, my child is from. Quite a while ago I was told that my child will be from Vung Tau #3, though again, not sure in light of all the changes and delays if that will still be the case ....however, should that be where his first months will be spent, then I know he will be well loved and cared for by these wonderful women.....see Catherine's post here....

"When nothing is sure, everything is possible"

I was supply teaching today and behind the teacher's desk was a small plaque that had this inscription on it..."When nothing is sure, everything is possible." It made me feel very calm....I guess I have been feeling that not much is sure in my life these days and especially the adoption....however the inscription is much more positive than I've been feeling, so I will try to hang on to that sentiment.

I've been thinking a lot about my parents these days....of course father's day is approaching; however, I think my parents are quite tied to my reason to adopt....my paternal grandfather was a "foundling"....a child left at the steps of an orphanage (probably run by nuns) many years ago in southern Italy. Therefore the unknown history on one side of our family has always been a given....I've written this elsewhere, and will repeat it here....when I was studying art, and learned of the Italian Renaissance artists, I used to imagine that perhaps I was the descendant of a famous artist and hence the reason for my gift of being able to draw etc....however I'm sure my grandfather's parents had much more humble lives, mostly tied to poverty, just as I know some of the reasons for children often being left at the gates of orphanages in Vietnam, or at hospitals. It is because of this connection that I have felt very strongly about adoption and especially adoption from a country where my child's life may have a similar early experience to that of my own grandfather.

My mother on the other hand raised the four of us, and then ran a home daycare. As I lived with my parents for many years, I remember how attached we got to these children who had no family links so I know it is definitely possible to grow to love a child that is not biologically tied to me. So I know that these connections and experiences are what I feel led me in this direction. Additionally of course my parents left a country they loved in search of economic stability elsewhere and that elsewhere was Canada. If they could have stayed in Italy they would have, but they chose, or life chose for them, and their lives and ours took a different road. I remember one of my mom's favourite songs when I was a child, it was actually a popular song that had Spanish words but easily understood in Italian...(I'm sure my mom didn't understand much of the English words).... "Que Sera, Sera, whatever will be, will be, the future's not ours to see, que sera sera"..." A friend reminded me of it today...it connects a bit with the title of today's blog.....and again made me think of my mom and the threads that weave through our lives and push us in different directions, but also continue to connect us to our past, or I hope so anyhow.

I've posted below a couple of pictures, one is of a celebratory Asti Spumante, my favourite sparkling wine. As I saw on another blog where they have their own bottle waiting for celebrations once they get a referral, I realized many of us probably have the same ideas....so I photographed the bottle that has been sitting in my fridge for many many days, and also photographed it with old photos of my parents, dated probably when they first came to Canada. The photo at the top is a picture of all of us...I'm the baby in my dad's arms. I hope that whatever will be in my future includes a child, and if not, I will try to accept that in the same way my parents accepted an unknown life and a hopeful beginning in a newly adopted country....che sera sera, whatever will be, will be.....

Citizenship Extension letter sent today....

Well the day started with a trip to the airport to greet baby Van with his parents....I love airports, the excitement of departures and arrivals....it was very happy to see that this long journey ended positively for one family and offers lots of cautious hope for me... so I was very happy for them. There were 3 other adoptive families there and all with little boys!!.......The rest of the day was a bit lazy, part rain, part sunshine, an afternoon nap and then to writing my letter to citizenship and immigration Canada asking for an extension on Part II for my baby's citizenship. Just walked to the mailbox to mail the letter and sent it off with a little prayer!.....Anyhow, as others have reported, our agency director left for Vietnam today and will be there for three weeks. Hopefully during these weeks there may be some news, and of course the infinite hope is that it is good news and not more bad news........in other news, I got an email inviting me to a conference being held in a city in north eastern Italy, to both make a presentation, as well as possibly exhibit some of my artwork.....very exciting but just as I got excited I also realized I could not so easily say yes at the moment..... it is so very hard to plan for with not knowing how the adoption journey will unfold....the conference is at the end of April 2011 and I'd love to go....However will have to wait and see.....I think this is the hardest part of the adoption journey for me right now. (as I know it is for others too)...with the earlier news that I should have had a referral by the end of February, I was planning on possibly travelling in the summer, and then being on parental leave in the fall, but have had to readjust my work world....I work on research contracts and teaching and artwork sales etc...but my work world while stable, requires some juggling as it isn't a 9-5 job that I will just leave etc....so this has contributed to some stress especially with having such wide changes in what I was told to expect....as one friend said, I have always been good at juggling various hats, so what's another one thrown in the mix!!...I guess most of the other hats I'm already familiar with them and know what to expect, but the adoption hat is a new one and while I have thrown it in the air, it has not come down yet in any sort of familiar pattern....sooooooo as B.'s blog says....I continue to wish, wonder, and wait......

Summer time and the waiting isn't easy....

I haven't really posted in a while as I guess I'm trying to get my heart out of my stomach. I also don't know how honest I can be on this blog for others to read, but as I've said in the past, I wish I had not been told what I had been told last November because the news more recently has not been good....I guess I keep asking myself, if there are so many babies needing homes, then why the slow down?....should the orphanages not be in distress with caring for so many babies?...anyhow these are only a couple of questions that I am asking myself....some of the same questions I asked myself before I firmly committed to going through with this....as you all know we are asked to explore our reasons for wanting to adopt...we are questioned inside and out....and then when we finally know we are ready, we hit the road block of really having no control over any of this and really not understanding why the delay, why medicals aren't happening...are these children being referred to other countries? Anyhow while I can appreciate that there are things out of our control, I also don't understand why the agency does not know why the referrals aren't coming in? I know it is an act of faith to go through this journey, but sometimes I wonder if it is so hard, is it really meant to be.....I guess ultimately what I have always wanted was for this process to be more humane....people working together...and yet all I feel is that I'm contacted to update paperwork, and yet it doesn't feel very satisfying to continue to deal with paper work etc. etc.... anyhow as you can imagine there are so many mixed feelings....I am told it will all work out, but at the moment, as I said, I continue to try to get my heart out of my stomach..

....so in terms of what I know....yesterday I mailed off Medical #3....my doctor was able to sign it but had her own concerns with why this is taking so long...it was hard to try to explain to her...she of course is concerned with my stress level and my health...I'm not getting any younger.....but she was able to sign the form...then yesterday I finally got through to the Citizenship office....about 5-6 phone calls...they cut you off when they have too many waiting....anyhow I need to ask for an extension on the Citizenship Part 2 form....for those going this route...Part 1 is issued and Part 2 has a two year expiry date from the date that Part 1 is issued. So I would have to apply for the citizenship of my child before October of this year... Of course that isn't going to happen, so hence my need to extend it. As I told M. and D. not sure if I just happened on an agent that made it all seem more complicated, but she wanted me to give a reason for the delay...and sort of suggested, "taking longer than anticipated" wasn't a good enough reason?? anyhow I will be sending off that letter this weekend and the agency doesn't think this should be a problem as others have just stated that they are still waiting for a referral and then the Part 2 is extended for another year....so that is where that stands.....

...probably why I am feeling so low is because a few weeks ago I did get some info.....was told to "Possibly" anticipate that I might have to update the homestudy...it expires in October...and as you can appreciate...if i would have to do that, that means there will be no referral all summer long and into the fall....there are some issues that have come up, at the Vietnam side that D. doesn't think should be a problem, but "might"....and she's hoping that I won't have to update the homestudy, but "might"....this is the part where I still can't accept that....and what has got me very down ...so from being told last November that the referral should come within three months "if all goes well" to now being asked to come to terms with facing the possibility that I might not get a referral until after October?? requiring updates on more paperwork....has left me tongue tied and very very sad.....so still not sure if I'll post this but if you're reading it then I have....

....one little nibble of news that is good, but again one that I'm not sure I can really hang on to as other nibbles have gone by the wayside.....is that it will "most likely" be a boy....so I find myself trying to trust in that news but also cautiously not trust in it too.....anyhow am trying to find courage in others who have gone before...one family who is arriving back tomorrow has had a much rockier road than mine, so I try to find strength in their courage to persevere and have faith that it will all happen, and that I will be a mom and that there is a little boy in Vietnam waiting for my arms, and waiting for us to become a family....

....as friends have said, this will be my last summer as a single person so I should enjoy it.....as I mentioned in the beginning of this long post...I have been working on getting my heart out of my stomach and trying to look forward...

...it is a beautiful sunny day here in Ottawa, Italian week is beginning and I have been invited to the gala dinner tonight...my first.....